presentation reports and application letters

I could write, once. It wasn’t very long ago. I am not sure if I can anymore. I start tentatively, checking, unsure of a talent that has perhaps deserted me. I do not know why and when exactly I stopped writing. Occasional and sporadic mails, and presentation reports and application letters form the bulk of what my mind churns out nowadays.

Why I don’t know, I never stopped to think about it. I have not stopped and thought about anything for a long time.

It is funny because thinking is what I am supposed to do. What has changed? I am just a caricature of what I stood for till recently. Design is supposed to free you. It has tied me down into a small box. Innovation does not liberate you; it ties you down with an ever increasing burden of personal expectations.

I am thoroughly beaten on all fronts. I still stand bruised and battered. I don’t stand heroic. I stand because I don’t have a choice, like a scarecrow in the middle of a field that doesn’t scare any crows. I cannot justify my hatred but I hate. I try to justify my hurt and fail miserably on that front too. Can I still write the way I could? Do I still have that ease with words? I feel that I have more questions with me than answers.

I need to take a journey. I was different and I need to understand what I was. The world is out there. I need to know where I stand in this frame of reference. The only realization that I now have faith in is that one has to do what one has to do. Dependency makes you weak and weakness makes you wary. I am scared but I am not afraid. I boldly acknowledge the potential that I definitely have. I walk alone if I have to. I will keep walking.

Go forth. Be yourself. What you were and beyond.